Assignment to write my own eulogy.

A while back, I had an assignment for a class in which I had to write my own eulogy. Every student had to write their own eulogy, and it met more resistance than I had ever seen before. The instructor tried to show us how despite the grim nature, it is actually a method of encouragement. By imagining the end of our lives and describing that which we had pretended to achieve, we could see ourselves in a terrific light. That speech did little to help most of the students.

A few students had friends or family actually write their eulogies. I think that defeats the purpose, but whatever. One student had her 3 children each write one, but then only partially read one, even though it was clearly stated that we had to read the entire eulogy, and there was only supposed to be one. But most did the reasonably normal thing, and speak of an inflated, fantastic life.

Mine was one of the different ones. Rather than pretending like I was a friend delivering the eulogy, I pretended I wrote my eulogy on my deathbed to have read for me. So the words I spoke were still coming from me. This is what I wrote.

I'm not in heaven. I'm not in hell. Though I'm dead, I hope you're well. Life begins. Life ends. We have no choice in that. But in our lives, choices define who we are. I chose to live a helpful and rational life. My time on Earth has ended, but I, like all people, left ripples of my existence in my wake. I spent my time trying to make the world around me somewhat better. I was somewhat known for arguing, and whether you believe me or not, that was me creating a positive influence. It's good to question things. It's better to come to conclusions that fit reality, even if you don't like them. One of the most important questions I've ever learned to ask myself is "Why do I believe what I believe?" It's one we should all ask ourselves and work hard to truthfully and honestly answer.

The living world is the only one that matters. I'm gone and I wish I wasn't. If you spent the effort to be here, you probably miss me. I'd miss you too, if I could. I know this is an unusual request, but it's my last chance, and I'm taking it. Leave the world a better place than it would have been without you.

This is by no means a perfect piece of work, but I'm proud of it. I showed it to several people before I had to say it to my classmates, and got into a few discussions I enjoyed based on what I had written. What surprised me was what happened on the day of the presentation. I got more nervous than I ever had been when talking to a class. My entire speech semester was minimally stressful, but when I stood up to present this, everything was different. Normally, I look at the audience, and only glance at what I have written. This time, I couldn't bring myself to look away from the screen I had written it on. Normally, my hearts beats fast as I'm walking up to the front of the class, and calms down after about 10 or 15 seconds. This time it never stopped pounding. Normally my speech is fluid and smooth. This time, I stuttered and got choked up.

It was a unique experience, to say the least.