I came back from Fantasy Fest. It feels like an entirely different, boring world. It's weird how empty it feels. That's probably not the world's fault. On a related note, I bet very few people go to Fantasy Fest alone. It seems like a thing friends or couples go to. I did see about getting people to go, but that didn't work out and I still wanted to go so I did. That happens to me when I want to watch a movie, too. Or almost anything.
I'm trying to figure out what I want/expect from people. It seems like I have an extremely difficult time bringing people in, and can push people away with shocking ease. Sometimes, without even trying. One of the frustrating things is that when I actually try to interact with friends outside of face to face, it doesn't seem to go particularly well, most of the time. Either I get ignored, or responses feel forced. It makes me feel like when I actually am in person next to the same people, maybe they're still just being polite. People can be pretty good at fake-getting along. I suppose with certain people, that's not really a thing.
Back to the topic of Fantasy Fest, I was thinking maybe I should do it differently next time. Everybody there is having so much fun. I should try to be on the same page. That's scary to me. Will drinking make me have more fun? Will it make me a better conversationalist with the people that do end up talking to me? Will it change me so that I actually look like I'm enjoying myself? I should go with friends, and actually spend time with them doing things, unlike when I would go to MegaCon with friends. But then I run into the whole problem of getting people to go. I'll see about wearing some shorts and a tshirt. Or I'll get a costume. Maybe V for Vendetta, rather than my more subtle things I often do.
I've made comment on not feeling things. I wonder if I just can't tell if/when I'm feeling things. Here's an example to illustrate. When I drive for more than an hour, I get tired. It's a very consistent thing. I left for Fantasy Fest at 1am after spending 9.5 hours at work. I drove for 3 hours and felt fine. I still pulled over and took a nap because I didn't want tired setting in while doing the bridge part of the journey. I originally assumed that I wasn't having drowsiness issues because I was driving in unfamiliar territory. I rejected that assumption on my way home when I got sleepy while driving in Miami. So my current hypothesis is that I was excited. It didn't feel like anything, though. What does that mean? If my body is producing the chemicals and stuff, but I can't tell?
I'm trying to figure out the whole friends thing. Most of them have little interest in communicating with me unless we run into each other. Everything is so fragmented now, that inviting several people over is near impossible because so many people won't show up if certain other people are there. I mean I have some people I'd rather not be around, but I'm not going to avoid an event because of it.
In other news. I tried a Wawa sandwich for the first time. When I went to order it off the screen, whenever I picked the option for sandwich, it only gave me the option for bread. So I assumed that it was for whatever sandwich I'd pick. But no, apparently that unit didn't want to offer anything but bread. I tried several times and felt really confused because I didn't know how to order a freaking sandwich, which everybody else seems to be able to do just fine. When I went to another machine, everything made a lot more sense, and worked just fine. It was weird ordering at one area, going to another to pay, just to come back to the first area to get my food. Not the most newbie friendly, but since it takes time to make the food, and people can use several different machines to put in orders, I can see it working well when it's busy and customers already know how it goes.
In other other news, the area of the counter that is supposed to remain free of everything wasn't. I'm frustrated and disappointed but not surprised. At all. I give up.
